Growing up (as sis)

 

 

 

 Sauce: https://gelbooru.com/index.php?page=post&s=view&id=2283445

Text:

I swapped bodies with my sister when I was about 10 years old, when we were playing around with some obscure magic and got stuck like this. We pretended to be each other while we tried to find a way to reverse it. She eventually lost interest in trying, but I continued on my own, and after maybe a year I had something that I thought would work. But, for some reason, I never got the courage to ask her. I guess it’s understandable that she—or he—doesn’t want to change back now. It’s been so long that I can only think of myself as a she now. I see myself as the sister now, and her as the brother.

We never talked about it directly. At first it was to prevent the truth from slipping out, and then it became an implicit agreement between us. I had it in my mind that we were going to change back, to go back to normal, but it never felt like it was the right time. So I waited. With every life event that passed, it became harder and harder for me to ask. I experienced puberty as her, I experienced my first crush, my first kiss, my first heartbreak, and I lost my virginity, all as her. I figured it out all on my own. Whenever I felt awkward or unsure of myself, I couldn’t tell if it was just me, or if it was something that happened to all girls. Each time, the thought of being my brother got further away, but the thought of being in this body didn’t get any easier, even as the feeling got more natural.

She’s always been the smarter one. She turned my failing school career around while I stagnated and barely graduated high school. I’ve spent a lot of time thinking about the opportunities that she will have that I won’t. It made me feel guilty about asking for my body back. I felt jealous of my brother’s success, and felt guilty for wanting to take what I didn’t earn.

On some days, when I wake up, I feel weird and bothered and can’t stop thinking about how this isn’t really me. On others I feel perfectly natural in this body and don’t think anything about it. A lot of times I try to think about what I would be like if this never happened—but I can’t. I can only think of myself as being the way I am now. When I see her, I think, that’s my brother, and that doesn’t feel like me. I’m 19 years old. We can’t go back now. Why do I still feel like this?